


It was because of you

by Merid24



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU (maybe), Forgiveness, M/M, Post-Reichenbach, Suicidal Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 13:34:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11784216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merid24/pseuds/Merid24
Summary: Mycroft tells John something about Sherlock. John doesn't belive it. But then, he changes his mind. He must decide, if he will forgive his friend or not. And he has to do it quickly.





	It was because of you

**Author's Note:**

> So, I finally wrote something in english. I just hope it's not too bad.

"John, I must tell you, that my brother had wanted to kill himself since he was three."

John froze. "What?"

He didn't know, Mycroft had arrived. He was too deep in his thoughts. His best friend was dead.

"Yes, It was really hard for him, since the very beginning. He had these thoughts and unwelcomed deductions and he didn't know, what to do with them. It took him some time to get used to how his brain worked.

When he was at school, other students bullied him. He tried to behave like he didn't care and I would have almost believed him, if he hadn't tried to end his life again. No psychologist nor medication ever helped him. I kept telling him, that what he had, was a gift. That he was extraordinary. He told me, that he didn‘t want to be extraordinary."

John was confused. "Wait... That doesn't sound like him at all. He loves extraordinarity. He always says, that other things are boring and dull."

Mycroft sighed. "But it wasn't always like this. Now, he has you, so he can be truly himself. He has opened up a lot since you two met. I know, that you don't see it, but you're actually very important, John. Without you, he would never be truly happy."

John didn't look convinced. "You said, thet he had these suicide thoughts. How did they go away?"

"I know, it sounds crazy, but I think it was because of you."

"Me?" Now, John is more that confused. "But... but I didn't even know him that time. How could it be because of me?"

"There was one day… He took something. Yes, he took drugs even when he was young. It was before our agreement, that he always has to  write down what he took, so I didn't know what kind of drug it was. He told me, that he had a dream. No, not a dream. He insisted, that it was a vision. I never believed in these sort of things, he neither, so I thought he was just really confused. He told me, that he would meet a soldier. A soldier, with a psychosomatic limp. He described YOU, John. It couldn't be a coincidence. When I asked him about it another day, he didn't actually remember it, but he never tried to kill himself again. It seemed like he was waiting. Like he was waiting to meet you."

John didn't know what to say. "Well... this really sounds crazy. You want to tell me, that he predicted the future? That's just insane."

"Have you got any other explanation, John?"

John was quiet.

"You should know, of all the people, that I am a rational person. I wouldn't believe anything what I can’t see or hear. But this... this really happened. This was real."

"Okay."  It was all, John could say. He really needed some time to think about this without Mycroft intensively watching him. Mycroft seemed like he took a hint and the next minute, he was gone.

Then, John realized something. They were talking about Sherlock in present time. Like he wasn't dead. But Sherlock was dead. Was Mycroft in some kind of denial? No, he can't be. He's Mycroft. He's not like this.

John had a bad feeling. Like something wasn't right. For fuck's sake, of course something isn't fine! Nothing is fine. His best friend is dead. He let the tears go.

John is staring at his best friend, who should be dead, but looks pretty alive.

John feels so angry. He hits Sherlock with all his strenght and he wishes it hurts as much, as it hurt John, when that bastard left.

Sherlock is holding a hankie and it's getting soaked with the blood from his nose.

John leaves him alone.

 

"He was supposed to forgive me! I thought he would forgive me. Why... Is that because of that woman? Of course it is. It's always about some stupid women."

Sherlock is yelling at Mycroft, who is sitting in his chair, perfectly still. He is waiting, until Sherlock becomes calm. Well, calmer.

"Why were you so sure, he will wait for you. I told you, caring is not..."

"...an advantage. Yes, I heard it the first time. But John was supposed to be different. He was supposed to..." He can‘t talk anymore.

"... He was supposed to wait for me."

The room is silent. All, that can be heard, is Sherlocks hopeless sobbing.

Mycroft finally speaks. "You had a vision, didn't you?"

"Yes, I had a vision. And this vision was wrong. I am useless. I wish I would just..."

"Don't say that! Don't... Just don't do this Sherlock. Not now. I will talk to him. Please, just... Wait?"

"Don't you think I’ve been waitng long enough?!" Sherlock yells again.

"No, just, I‘ll call someone to take care of you, all right? And I‘ll talk to John. He WILL forgive you."

 

"John."

"No, not you..."

"He had another vision," Mycroft speaks. That catches John's attention.

"A vision? Was he drugged again or..."

"He saw, that you will forgive him. That you will wait for him. He believes it."

"Well, he saw it wrong, didn’t he?" John is angry, again.

"The first vision he had, appeared to be true, so he relied on it. He desperately hoped." Mycroft hopes too.

"I... I need time. I don't know, if I can forgive him. Not now."

"But he needs it now, John. Now, or it will be too late." Mycroft looks down at his hands.

"What do you mean?" John doesn't want to know. He shouldn't want to know. He doesn't care anymore, right? RIGHT?

"He's broken." Mycroft doesn‘t say more. He doesn‘t want to push John. He doesn‘t want to manipulate him, because it's not what Sherlock would want. The truth is, that he hopes, that John will forgive Sherlock. He has to. He will.

"I’m  begging you," Mycroft can't stop himself, "If you love him just a little, please don't let him die."

John fights with himself. It could be a trick. Mycroft can manipulate with him. But what if it's true? What if Sherlock kills himself, now for real, and it will be because John wasn't there for him? Like he wasn‘t the last time. But now Sherlock will be dead for real.

"I'll talk to him," is all John can say. Then he goes to the kitchen. He starts making tea, hoping, that Mycroft will show himself out.

 

"I'm going out," John says.

"Yout mean you‘re going to Baker street." It isn‘t a question.

"Yes. I need to do something. I need to let him know..." John stops. What exactly he needs to let Sherlock know? That he knows about the visions? That he forgives him? That he doesn't want him to leave again?

John doesn‘t know, what he will say to Sherlock. He just knows, he has to tell SOMETHING.

He turns around and wants to leave, but Mary's voice stops him. "Will you come back?"

"What do you mean... I-"

"You know what I mean. Will you come back, John?"

John is quiet for a long time.

"No, I don't think i will," he finally tells the truth, "Sorry."

Mary just nods, tears in her eyes and John really should stay and say something right, but Sherlock needs him. He has to go.

 

Sherlock is in his mind palace. He will do it. He will finally actually do it. The suffering will end. But something still holds him back. The something is John. John, a soldier in his uniform, doing everything to save Sherlock. But, it's not a real John, isn‘t it? It‘s just his imaginary John. That one John, who would forgive him. That one John, who doesn't exist. So why is he still here? What is he waiting for?

He hears a voice.

"Sherlock?!"

No, it's not him. It can‘t be. The voice is still a creation of his broken mind.

"Sherlock, please, talk to me."

"Am I having a vision?"

"No, you're not. It's me, John. I'm here."

And it's all Sherlock needs to know. Vision, dream or halucination, it doesn't matter. John is here. And it's his John. The right one.

"Sherlock, it's all right, we'll get through this, okay?"

Sherlock still wonders: Is this real? Mabye he killed himself somehow and now he's in heaven. No, that's a nonsense.

"Are you all right?" John asks.

"If this is real, I am. If this is another dream, I am not."

John nods. "I'll show you, that it's real."

And then they're kissing. Well, they are hugging and kissing. John holds Sherlock tight, like he would never ever let him go again. And he won't.

**Author's Note:**

> I am planning to write a sequel. If this won't be a complete disaster. So let me know in the comments, If you want more.


End file.
